Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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