My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
