sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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