Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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