one two three fourrrrnication!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
