I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
