dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize