Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
