I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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