This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
