Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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