ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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