I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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