remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
