Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize