You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
