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So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
