ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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