Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
