I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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