I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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