this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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