Small penises have feelings too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
