she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
