The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
