hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
