if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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