i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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