my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
