He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
