in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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