Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
