I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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