I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
