Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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