Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
