Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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