It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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