I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
