I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
