Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
