What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
