Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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