You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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