is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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