It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
