After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
