Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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