i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
