i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
