you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Randomize
