and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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