Will you blow on my dice?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
