Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
