Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
