and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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