this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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