so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
