I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your cock deserves a montage
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
