I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
