When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
