taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
