? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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