Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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