i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
