oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize