Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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