I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
