Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
