it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
