Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She said her name was "party"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
