Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
