Whod you bang
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
