I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
