I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
